I woke today as though from a black cloud. Maybe my mother is burning candles on behalf of my soul on some alter a thousand miles to the East. Maybe it's the Vit C packet Ilya gave me that I drank before bed. Or perhaps it is the prayers I mumbled under my breath all night until I fell asleep. What ever did it, I feel like I am back inside of my own eyes looking out onto the world. It's so painful to lose that gentleness of self, that natural trust in the unfolding of things. I'm not sure what took over and possessed me - my fever, my cough, my stress, some demon from my past or a complex triggered without my even knowing it - but it has loosened its grip and I can breath again, despite the pressure of infection in my lungs.
Nature is a curious thing. What causes my perceptions of things? What is the actual reality? I think sometimes that we do not live in reality, but that there is a state that we collectively agree upon as being what's "real" and that's the "real world." But it's not so real, I bet.
Moth in the Logan 5/10 Lucy Madeline Ojai, CA
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