very carefully

I stayed in bed today until I could find my way. It took a while. I started with a cup of water and  opening all the windows in the house to let the heat out. Then I re-read my acting bible - Sanford Meisner on Acting. Do you know how many nights I've dreamed of acting since I've been here? Too many. Too many to ignore.

Then I fried some eggs and tried to remember what you said about keeping the whites cooked and the yoke soft. Very carefully, I think, were your exact words. Mom, how do you fry an egg right? Very carefully. The eggs led me back to bed where my orange floral skirt called to me and I decided to write. Before that, I opened my mouth and was surprised when a song came out.

it's working.

So far, I don't seem the mind the heat. It's all in the mind, like grandmother said. Mark installed some tiny fans in the window over our bed. The best they do is keep the little bugs who fit in through the screen, off of my pillows and out of my hair at night. But it's just so beautiful when I look out the window and the sunlight is dappled and the trees are loaming in the breeze. The flagstone is warm and covered in lacy green leaves like wings. There are windows and cool adobe walls and a shelf outside on the coyote fence with clay pots and blue glass jars. So I don't mind. The heat, that is.

Ojo Caliente, NM

You know, this is where all of it started. These mountains where I would walk around after school with a tape recorder making up ghost stories and recording sounds. It's good to come full circle. It's like climbing a mountain or finishing a book. You get a little more perspective.

If my life today was a dream I had two years ago, and would wake up and want to go back to sleep.