Topa Topa

Great clouds gathered over Topa Topa yesterday. Last night the rains fell out of them like colossal grey buckets emptying onto the land. This morning when I woke up, I could hear the sheets of water falling on the ground and against the windows. The mists came. And the mud. By mid morning all had cleared and bright sun broke everything apart and put it back together again all new and clear. The grey clouds still hang, but now like low lanterns or ships docking in a clear blue sky. It is beautiful here. So beautiful it is impossible. It is impossible for the world to shine this bright. To see this many colors in a field of grass and wild flowers. It begins to change something in my mind. Something drastic. I eat tons of blueberries, blackberries and raspberries and I drink tea and contemplate the impossibility of it all. I am very sleepy most of the time, still, but I fight it.  Every once and a while I circle low like a drunk bee until I collapse on the floor by the screen door or the fireplace and I sleep for an hour or so. Yesterday, I woke and crawled into my bed. The sheets were warm like someone had been sleeping in it.

Mobile Upload 4/4/10 Ojai, California Lucy Madeline

I am not afraid here at night. Something holds me through my sleep, something like the sky, or the stars or the night air. All this darkness. It gives me a break. 

I keep waiting for the inspiration to come. To sneak up on me and catch me unawares. But sometimes it is the doing that brings the knowing. The doing that unlocks what I already know but which lies deep within my bones in tiny secret sinuses. 

Mobile Upload 4/5/10 Ojai, California Lucy Madeline