midnight

Tonight I can't get my thoughts straight. They're all mixed around like egg whites.
I put on my blue and white striped espadrilles and my black fur collared sweater and walked outside to talk with the moon.

Lights from the neighboring ranch diffused through the thick mist in the valley like a soft white blanket. The moon is so big and so bright I can see the ground in front of me.  No creatures, all clear. And when I turn to look behind, nothing but stars and blackness. There is a chorus of a thousand frogs echoing in the night. I feel better out here. Out here everything feels clear.

It's an unusual night. There are no boogie monsters. Only some noisy rats and dreaming quail. But everything keeps its distance. I am utterly bathed in moonbeams.

I think the important thing to remember is that, ultimately, everything is going to be okay. That is so hard for me to believe. But it is a mistake to think otherwise. I have a very tender heart.

Today I talked with Robert for a long time. Or at least it seemed a long time, anyway. I listened while he talked about life, the various variety of religious and psychedelic experiences, art, art school and love. We talked about what women have to do or give up if they want to have children. That's never actually seemed real to me before and it made me afraid. I want to have children. I won't give up art. Or love. Or would I? I can't believe in the counting anymore. That there's only one equation.

You say that 4+1=5 but so does 3+2. That's more like it.

The owl is right outside my window hooting.

She says, "Everything is going to be alright. Get some sleep, you'll see."

I believe her, I believe you.
please let it be so.